CullenIzing Instant Message
by Ashley Victoria-OrphanAshley
Summary: Funny Instant Message chapters with the Cullens'. And Chapter Two, Jacob!
1. Randomness

Bella- Vamp4Prez!

Edward- ForksPlayer

Emmett- Tougherthanpie

Jasper- souljaboy

Alice- SistaPhycik

Rosalie- Rosie.Lee.

Esme- Es.My.Kids.Kay?

Carlise- Dr.Cullen

Vamp4Prez- Hey everyone!

ForksPlayer- Hello Bella.

souljaboy- Sup?

SistaPhycik- Hella Bella! OMGYOU'LLNEVERGUESSWHATHAPPENEDTOMETODAY!

Vamp4Prez- Hyper Much, Alice? Hey jazz! Umm. Who is ForksPlayer?

ForksPlayer-Sigh I'm upset. You don't know its me?!

SistaPhycik- Mike?

SistaPhycik- SIlly Bella! Its Edward!

SistaPhycik- Uhh. Right?

Vamp4Prez- Edward your not a player.

ForksPlayer- I play piano. Doesn't that count?

Vamp4Prez-Sure.

ForksPlayer- Plaese tell me the story behind your name.

Vamp4Prez- I don't like any of the canidates.

ForksPlayer- Ah.

Vamp4Prez- Jasper, you don't talk much do you.

souljaboy- Nope. Must...retain...EMO!

ForksPlayer- I understand, dude.

Vamp4Prez- Dude! HAHAHAHAAHHA!

ForksPlayer- Shut up.

SistaPhycik- NO one cares what I did today?

ForksPlayer- Sorry, nope.

Vamp4Prez- Nah.

souljaboy- Sorry, babe.

Tougherthanpie- STRING CHEESE! Oh, hi Belly-welly.

Vamp4Prez- gahh! Who let him on??

Rosie.Lee.- I did. I couldn't keep him in the dog house forver.

Tougherthanpie- 3mm3t rawks!

Rosie.Lee- Oh lord! Alice did you leave your chatspeak book laying around again!

SistaPhycik- No...

Vamp4Prez- Aww crap. Emmet don't toch i-

Tougherthanpie- Oh god! Gahhhhh! Taste bad falls over dead Gahh...

Rosie.Lee- YOU KILLED HIM!! WHAT DID YOU DO, BELLA!

Vamp4Prez- Ummm. He said that hand santitzer was pretty, so I bought him a bottle.

SistaPhycik- Omfg! that is like, so friggin funny!! He ate it?!

Vamp4Prez- No, he ate the cap.

SistaPhycik- But you said he ate he hand sanitizer?

Vamp4Prez- No I didn't.

Rosie.Lee- But you said...

_**Vamp4Prez has logged out**_

_**Tougherthanpie has logged on**_

Tougherthanpie- I'm back. Edward, you might want to go get your girlfriend.

ForksPlayer- What did you do?

Tougherthanpie- Oh crap. Get Dr.C. HURRY!

Dr.Cullen- What did you do, Emmett?

Tougherthanpie- Edward, Your girlfriend just turned the prettiest color blue.

ForksPlayer- AHHHHHHH! Bella!!

Dr.Cullen- Oh GOD! Emmett is she breathing?

Tougherthanpie- No, don't think so, but she sure is kicking like there's no tommarow.

Dr.Cullen- THERE MIGHT NOT BE ANNY TOMMAROW FOR HER!

Tougherthanpie- Its fine, she's perfect. She choked it back up. No sweatbfdhgsgfhhfusrbdushjbdtaiebdhfuvdlanis

Dr.Cullen- Emmett?

Dr.Cullen- EMMETT?

ForksPlayer- Emmett has to go away now.

Dr.Cullen- Edward, don't hurt your brother.

ForksPlayer- Good bye Carslie.

Dr.Cullen- EDWARD!

ForksPlayer- Have a nice day.


	2. Don't Ask

Bella- Vamp4Prez!

Edward- ForksPlayer

Emmett- Tougherthanpie

Jasper- souljaboy

Alice- SistaPhycik

Rosalie- Rosie.Lee.

Esme- Es.My.Kids.Kay?

Carlise- Dr.Cullen

AND.

DUH-DUHHH-DUHH-DUHHHHH!

Jacob- BallOfFluff

Vamp4Prez!- Hello Cullens'!

ForksPlayer- BELLA! My lovely little sweet buttercup. Oh, how I've missed you so! If I could onley tough your pretty face once more! -sobs-

Vamp4Prez!- Uhh. Okay. Aww don't cry.

ForksPlayer- What are you talking about? Are you HURT?!

Tougherthanpie- Yankees! Oh hi Bella. -Sheepish-

Vamp4Prez!- EMMETT. I don't know what to do with you.

Es.My.Kids.Kay?- Hey! How are my little children?

Vamp4Prez!- Hey. Do you have anymore of those cookies?

Tougherthanpie- MOM!

ForksPlayer- Hello mommy.

Es.My.Kids.Kay?- You love me! -tear- And yes, Bella. I made five dozen. Do you think its to much?

Vamp4Prez!- Nope. Don't think so.

Tougherthanpie- Let's get Bella hyper. Or high. Doesn't really matter to me.

Vamp4Prez!- No. The human does not agree.

BallOfFluff- Hey Bella. Hey bats.

Vamp4Prez!- JACOB! I miss you!

BallOfFluff- Love me?

Vamp4Prez!- Nope.

BallOfFluff- Darn.

souljaboy- hi.

Vamp4Prez!- Hey Jasper. How's everything?

souljaboy- Depressing.

Vamp4Prez!- Good. That's good.

ForksPlayer- Bats? Could you come up with something original?

BallOfFluff- How about...darnvampiresihatethemboomshakalackaboomsouljaboyupinitOHHwatchmecrankit!

ForksPlayer- ...

ForksPlayer- Fine. You win.

BallOfFluff- Yay!


	3. NOT THE LAMP!

Bella- Vamp4Prez!

Edward- ForksPlayer

Emmett- Tougherthanpie

Jasper- souljaboy

Alice- SistaPhycik

Rosalie- Rosie.Lee.

Esme- Es.My.Kids.Kay?

Carlise- Dr.Cullen

Vamp4Prez- HEY CULLENS!

ForksPlayer- Hello Bella. How are you?

Vamp4Prez- GOOD!! SUPER GOOD!

SistaPhycik- Hey Bella!

Es.My.Kids.Kay?- Hello, dear.

Tougherthanpie- Hey squrit.

Vamp4Prez- HEY!!

ForksPlayer- Bella, are you okay.

Vamp4Prez- NOPE! OH, EMMETT, I LOVE YOUR PRESENT!

ForksPlayer- Hmmm. Emmett?

Tougherthanpie--shifty eyes- WHat?

Vamp4Prez- ITS AWSOMENESSLY FANTABLUOSULY GOODNESSLY GOOD!

ForksPlayer- Did you get her high?

Tougherthanpie-Umm. No.

Vamp4Prez- ITS CALLED FIVE HOUR ENERGY SHOT!

ForksPlayer- oH GOD. Emmett are you honestly that stupid?

Tougherthanpie- Obvoisly.

Es.My.Kids.Kay?- Oh no. Bella is extremly sensitve to caffine!

Vamp4Prez- AHHHH! THE VOICES! EDDIE HEARS VOICES! WHAT DO THEY SAY EDWARD?

ForksPlayer- Bella, they say that Emmett is going into a tree.

Vamp4Prez- ohh. EMMETT RUN!

Tougherthanpie- Crud. Bella tell him your finththfghfdjfdskhgfj

SistaPhycik- Ouch. That looks painful. -snap-

Es.My.Kids.Kay?- BOYS! STAOP AT ONCE!

SistaPhycik- Well, you know Emse gets mad when she misspells stuff.

Vamp4Prez- OH. ESME IS NO LONGER A HUMAN SPELL CHECK! AHAHAHA!

ForksPlayer- Alice, you get the rope, Bella you get the hammer and I'll get the string cheese.

Vamp4Prez- STRING CHEESE?

ForksPlayer- Emmett hates the stuff.

Es.My.Kids.Kay?- Don't torture him to much! -crash- NOOOOOO!

ForksPlayer- What happened?

Es.My.Kids.Kay?- HE BROKE MY LAMP!

ForksPlayer- Uh oh.

SistaPhycik- Hell hath no fury like a woman's wrath.

_Will Emse find justice? Tune in next time for-_

_Emmett not the-_

_Piano._

_Edward's gonna kill you twice._


	4. Esme is a naughty girl!

Bella- Vamp4Prez!

Edward- ForksPlayer

Emmett- Tougherthanpie

Jasper- souljaboy

Alice- SistaPhycik

Rosalie- Rosie.Lee.

Esme- Es.My.Kids.Kay?

Carlise- Dr.Cullen

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tougherthanpie- BELLA! DID YOU HEAR WHAT ESME DID?!

Vamp4Prez!- Nope. What'd she do?

Rosie.Lee- Ohh your gonna love this one Bella.

ForksPlayer- It was really funny. And really awkward.

souljaboy- Dispite emo-ness, I just had to laugh.

Vamp4Prez!- What'd she DO??

ForksPlayer- Emmett, why don't you tell it?

SistaPhycik- Yea, Emmett you rock at this sorta stuff.

Rosie.Lee.- HAHAHA! Bella's gonna stroke!

Vamp4Prez!- WHy don't you tell me what happened. Emmett?

Tougherthanpie- Okay, so we had just got home from hunting, right.

Vamp4Prez!- Go on.

Tougherthanpie- And I really needed Carly (that's what we call him now) to get a spinttoe out of my hand.

ForksPlayer- He means splinter.

Vamp4Prez!- Ahh. Continue.

Tougherthanpie- SO I went upstairs to get a Band-Aid.

Vamp4Prez!- I am confused, but go on.

Tougherthanpie- Gosh, humans are stupid. That sticky thing you put on cuts. That's a Band-Aid. Anyway,

Vamp4Prez!- -rolls eyes-

Tougherthanpie- And Carly was playing Muse a LITTLE TOO LOUD!

Vamp4Prez!- IS THAT IT?

Tougherthanpie- NO! So I go into Carly's office and guess what I see?

Vamp4Prez!- I don't like where this is going...

Tougherthanpie- Esme, in a French maid costume, while Carly is leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head-

Vamp4Prez!- Oh no!

Tougherthanpie- Reading! Can you believe he was reading while Esme was dancing around him in a skimpy outfit?? He's MENTAL!

Vamp4Prez!- -OH- That's all? Whoo, I thought you were going to say...Something else.

Tougherthanpie- Haha! I knew Jasper's dirty mind would rub off on you.

Vamp4Prez!- Jasper! Arn't you going to say anything?

souljaboy- Ehh.

Vamp4Prez!- Good enough for me.

ForksPlayer- Lol! It was so funny! Esme got all mad, and grounded Emmett for not knocking.

Tougherthanpie- And I told her not to get mad at me, just beasue she wasn't getting any from Carlisle.

ForksPlayer- You should have SEEN Esme's face.

Vamp4Prez!- Maybe its best I didn't.

SistaPhycik- CRAP! EVERYONE, GET OFF, ESME IS GETTING ON!

Vamp4Prez!- Bye Cullens!

Es.My.Kids.Kay?- EMMETT! I TOLD YOU ONCE THAT YOU WERE GROUNED!

Tougherthanpie- Comon Mommy! Bella was helping me with my book reportbfjdshjfkdhjsghjahgjfkhdajghfd

Vamp4Prez!- Is it just me, or does Emmett always get in trouble at the end of every day?

ForksPlayer- Nope, its not you.

_I'm sorry, I had to have Emmett bashing. This is my last chapter of Emmett bashing._

_Next time..._

_..._

_..._

_.._

_Voulturi!_

_(If that's how you type it. I suck at spelling)_


	5. AroJasper WTF!

Bella- Vamp4Prez!

Edward- ForksPlayer

Emmett- Tougherthanpie

Jasper- souljaboy

Alice- SistaPhycik

Rosalie- Rosie.Lee.

Esme- Es.My.Kids.Kay?

Carlise- Dr.Cullen

ANNNND!

Aro- Aro.Postle.

XOXOXO

Vamp4Prez!- Hi Cullens!

ForksPlayer- Shhh.

Vamp4Prez!- Did you just snub me?

Dr.Cullen- SHUT UP BELLA!

Vamp4Prez!- -CRIES- You don't love me anymore?!

SistaPhycik- No, we're just talking to Aro. WHat's up girlfriend?!

Aro.Postle.- Aliy-wally! OMG I just got the CUTEST blouse and purse today. They are to die for! Here. Sending link.

SistaPhycik- Tottally matches the shoes, babe!

Rosie.Lee.- Aww. You look FAB!

Aro.Postle.- Aww. Thanks sweetheart! You know, your not as pretty as me, but I still love you!

Rosie.Lee.- Thank you so much.

Aro.Postle.- Belly-Welly! How are you darling! Alice told me the wedding was beautiful, so CONGRATS!

Vamp4Prez!- Uh, thanks?

Aro.Postle.- No probs.

Dr.Cullen- Bella will be changed in a week, unless she gets pregnat.

Aro.Postle.- I couldn't see Belly preggers!

Es.My.Kids.Kay?- Thats what we said.

Aro.Postle.- Okay, weelllp, I've gotta go hydrate and then Cauis is just DYING for a make-over, so byess!

SistaPhycik- Bye, babes!

_Aro.Postle has logged out._

SistaPhycik- Well, his name was cute.

Vamp4Prez!- WHAT IN THE NON-EXISTANT WOLD OF VAMPIRES WAS THAT??

Dr.Cullen- That was Jasper in Volterra making Aro happy. I'm sorry we snubed you.

Vamp4Prez!- That's pkay, but didn't it seem too much like Alice?

SistaPhycik- Wow! JAPSER GETS ALL HIS HAPPY FROM ME! ISN'T THAT SWEET?

Vamp4Prez!- In a way, but in another way, Its sick.

SistaPhycik- I'm on cloud nine. Well, more like cloud elever-hundered-forty-three.


	6. FELL FOR IT!

Bella- Vamp4Prez!

Edward- ForksPlayer

Emmett- Tougherthanpie

Jasper- Souljaboy

Alice- SistaPhycik

Rosalie- Rosie.Lee

Esme- Es.My.Kids.Kay?

Carlise- Dr. Cullen

Vamp4Prez!- Hey Eddie!

ForksPlayer- Ugh. Could you please refrain from calling me that, ISABELLA?

Tougherthanpie- You two sound like a old couple arguing!

Souljaboy- Yes...

Vamp4Prez!- Well, if Edward wasn't so Play-By-The-Rules I would be happier!

ForksPlayer- Well, if Isabella would play by the rules, she wouldn't have gotten into the situation that she got in!

Tougherthanpie- God, Bella. What'd you do?!

Vamp4Prez!- NOTHING EMMETT! GOD, EDWARD YOUR SOOOOO OLD-LY-NEESLY.

ForksPlayer- WELL AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK FAT!

Souljaboy- Ohhhhhh myyyyyyyy gooddddddd.

Vamp4Prez!- AT LEAST I'M NOT A CHILD MOLISTER!

ForksPlayer- I AM NOT!

Vamp4Prez!- EDWARD, I'M SEVENTEEN! YOUR 107!!

ForksPlayer- SOOO!

Souljaboy- Sttoooopppppp, before you two kill eatch other! I'M GETTING DADDY!!

_**Souljaboy HAS LOGGED OUT.**_

ForksPlayer- He fell for it.

Vamp4Prez!- Yep.

ForksPlayer- Wanna go make-out in the back of the Volvo?

Vamp4Prez!- Sure.

_**ForksPlayer HAS LOGGED OUT.**_

_**Vamp4Prez! HAS LOGGED OUT.**_

Souljaboy- Ohh, but I'm not as stupid as you think, dear brother. I will exact revenge...ugh...TOMMARROW!!


	7. The Dramatic String Cheese Insident!

Bella- Vamp4Prez!

Edward- ForksPlayer

Emmett- Tougherthanpie

Jasper- Souljaboy

Alice- SistaPhycik

Rosalie- Rosie.Lee

Esme- Es.My.Kids.Kay?

Carlise- Dr. Cullen

Jacob- BallOfFluff

"THE WHOLE DRAMATIC STRING CHEESE ORDEAL"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Vamp4Prez!- Hey Emmett, you never told me why you were afraid of chese-in-a-can.

Tougherthanpie-Well Bella, your a woman I suppose you can handle this, seeing as though you've been through labor and turned into a vampire and crap.

Vamp4Prez!- What are you talking about? I haven't had a kid! Or been a vampire!

Tougherthanpie- Oh but you will.

Tougherthanpie- The year was 1973, and I was looking hot.

Tougherthanpie- It was my birthday, and Alice was throwing a big party. So I was supposed to stand there and act all surprised as Rosalie jumped out of a big cake and preformed a strip tease.

Vamp4Prez!- Ew.

Tougherthanpie- So, Alice had just rolled out the big cake, and knocked three times on the base. ANd then out of the blue, Jasper yelled, "FIRE!!" so I grabbed Rose. ANd ran like a biker without a helmet.

Vamp4Prez!- ?

Tougherthanpie-Anyway, everyone was smiling like they had a big joke. All of a sudden WET WILLLIE! Execpt with cheese.

Vamp4Prez!- Again, Ew.

Tougherthanpie- You don't even want to know where they put the Skittles.

Souljaboy- Yeah, good times. Good times...

Dr. Cullen- Yeah, that took three days to get them all out.

Vamp4Prez!- Am I thinking what I think I'm thinking?

Tougherthanpie- But how could I? If I thought what You were thinking, how could what you were thinking think what I am thinking? Are you thinking about that?

Vamp4Prez!- OW! My brain hurts.

Tougherthanpie- Plus I couldn't know what your thinking, onley Edward can. Even he can get past that thick skull.

ForksPlayer- Grr.

Tougherthanpie-Carslie! Edward is speaking dinoasuar again!


	8. If I Onley Had A Cullen

Bella- Vamp4Prez!

Edward- ForksPlayer

Emmett- Tougherthanpie

Jasper- Souljaboy

Alice- SistaPhycik

Rosalie- Rosie.Lee

Esme- Es.My.Kids.Kay?

Carlise- Dr. Cullen

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"IF I ONLY HAD A CULLEN"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Vamp4Prez!- SUP CULLENS!

SistaPhycik- Bella! Hi, um, you need help.

Vamp4Prez!- I did not sniff Edward's underwear! IT WAS NOT ME!

SistaPhycik- Okayyyy...No I'm talking about how Emmett needs to take the caps lock button off your keyboard, Bella.

Vamp4Prez!- I'd just use the shift key.

SistaPhycik- I'll tell him to take that off too.

Vamp4Prez!- Then I'd use the other one.

SistaPhycik- Then he'll take that one off.

Vamp4Prez!- Why is there two?

SistaPhycik- You mean why _are _there two. And I don't know. EDDDDDWWWWARRRRRDDDD!

ForksPlayer- What?

SistaPhycik- Why are there two shift keys?

ForksPlayer- it is for convenience. When touch typing, it is easier and quicker to press the nearest shift keys if needed instead of having to go to one corner of the keyboard which slows things down quite a bit.

Vamp4Prez!- You Googled that.

ForksPlayer- No...Yes...

Vamp4Prez!- Edward, why do you lie?

ForksPlayer- Because I love you.

SistaPhycik- Aww! If I only had a Cullen.

Souljaboy- You have a Hale. Is that good enough?

SistaPhycik- Yes. I LOVE YOU MY JUZZY-WUZZY SWEETIE LITTLE BABY BOY!

Souljaboy- To much love. Must retain Emo. Bye.

Vamp4Prez!- Why must everyone laugh when you talk dinosaur?

ForksPlayer- I don't know. Everyone laughs at me.

Vamp4Prez!- I think its sexy.

ForksPlayer- Rawr.


	9. WalMart

Alright, I'm changing them around a bit!

Bella-ObbsiveCullenDisorder

Edward- LongFingers.

Emmett- tougherthan12grademath

Jasper- Jasperthefriendlyghost

Alice- SistaPhycik

Rosalie- Rosy-posy

Esme- igotitfrmymomma

Carlise- Dr. C-dawgg!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Edward, wtf?

LongFingers- What?

tougherthan12grademath- Hah, nice name, loser!

LongFingers- What?

SistaPhycik- Do you even know what your name means?

LongFingers- You have to have long fingers to play piano...

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- No honey. It means-

SistaPhycik- cougghhhh!

LongFingers- We don't cough.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- It means-

SistaPhycik- ACHOOO!

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- IT MEANS-

SistaPhycik- Meow.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- FORGET IT!

tougherthan12grademath- lets go egg the local Wendy's sign!

SistaPhycik- This is gonna be fun!

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- I'm in!

LongFingers- No your not! Alice had a vixion of you and her in jail.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Will Carslie spring me?

SistaPhycik-Yep.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Then I'm in.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- GAHHH!

tougherthan12grademath- What?

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- I stubbed my toe.


	10. Thriller, Thriller Night!

**Thank you for reveiwing. :)**

**Umm, sorry it hasn't been updated in a while. Bad spell. Anyway, think veryyy hard about what Edward's screen name means. :)**

Bella-ObbsiveCullenDisorder

Edward- LongFingers.

Emmett- tougherthan12grademath

Jasper- Jasperthefriendlyghost

Alice- SistaPhycik

Rosalie- Rosy-posy

Esme- igotitfrmymomma

Carlise- Dr. C-dawgg!

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Boom Boom Pow

XXXXXXXXXXXX

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- I finally have the new iPhone, so now I can instant message, text, & listen to the Black Eyed Peas!!

tougherthan12grademath- Esme took mine away, so I'm stuck with this boring old laptop. :(

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- What'd you do?

igotitfrmymomma- He stole the earring Car- I mean, Dr.C Dawwgggg bought me for our wedding!

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- That's horrible Emmett, why'd you do it?

tougherthan12grademath- Well, I needed them for Barbie. :)

LongFingers.- ...

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- If you ever do that to Esme again, I will rip your face off.

tougherthan12grademath- Touchy, touchy.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- You'll think touchy.

LongFingers.- -Sigh- I miss Michael Jackson.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Don't we all?

tougherthan12grademath- Cause this is Thriller, Thriller Night!

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- and no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike!

tougherthan12grademath- Cause this is Thriller, Thriller Night!

LongFingers.- Chiller, Thriller nighttttttt!

tougherthan12grademath- It gets harder every day. :(

LongFingers.- Thank god we saw him in concert in 1988.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- So, Thriller?

tougherthan12grademath- CAUSE THIS IS THRILLER, THRILLER NIGHT!


	11. Paranormal ActivityHardcore Boo

Bella-ObbsiveCullenDisorder

Edward- LongFingers.

Emmett- tougherthan12grademath

Jasper- Jasperthefriendlyghost

Alice- SistaPhycik

Rosalie- Rosy-posy

Esme- igotitfrmymomma

Carlise- Dr. C-dawgg!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- You wanna know somethign weird?

SistaPhycik- Sure. I have nothing better to do.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- I think I lost my random.

tougherthan12grademath- I FOUND IT UNDER THE SOFA!

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- No, Emmett, that's not the kind of "lost" I'm talking about.

tougherthan12grademath- Oh, I hated that show, after the big black shadow thing kept eatin' everything up.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Your an idot, Emmett.

tougherthan12grademath- A what?

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- I-D-O-T.

tougherthan12grademath- What the crap is an "i dot?"

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Oh, sorry. I-D-I-O-T.

tougherthan12grademath- Nuhuh, girlfriend, you can't take it back. Who's the "i dot" now?

SistaPhycik- So what were you saying about losing your random?

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Oh, yeah, so I lost all my random. I am no longer funny.

**LongFingers HAS SIGNED IN.**

LongFingers- I just saw Paranormal Activity!

Jasperthefriendlyghost- It was freaking great, too.

LongFingers- Do you remeber when they got on that website, & they saw that girl chewing off her arm?

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- WTH kinda movie did you see?!

LongFingers- A scary one.

Jasperthefriendlyghost- It was all like, "BOO!"

LongFingers- But it was more of a hardcore boo.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Goodnight, freaks.


	12. Rick Rolling & Your Momming

**Whoever "uh uh" is, FORGET YOU! Its a free country, I can write my Twilight Fanfics the way I want!**

**Eat those reptiles.**

Bella-ObbsiveCullenDisorder

Edward- LongFingers.

Emmett- tougherthan12grademath

Jasper- Jasperthefriendlyghost

Alice- SistaPhycik

Rosalie- Rosy-posy

Esme- igotitfrmymomma

Carlise- Dr. C-dawgg!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Love, I think we're running out of idea's.

LongFingers- DON'T SAY THAT! I have hardcore fans!

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Well, let's talk about something random.

LongFingers- Uhh... did you see Hello Kitty on the Macy's Day Parade thing?

tougherthan12grademath- WASN'T SHE ADORABLE?!

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Emmett?! What the heck are you doing here?

LongFingers- This is private time, EMMETT.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Maybe if we be real quiet, he'll just go away...

tougherthan12grademath- I will not just go away, Isabella Whatever-Your-Middle-Name-Is Swan!

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Its Marie.

LongFingers- Maybe when should get Esme in here... after all, Emmett's still not ungrounded from the time he broke her lamp.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Yes. You are right.

tougherthan12grademath- I just figured that you'd want this. And, by the way, I'm giving you puppy dog eyes.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- What the crap do I want, Emmett?

tougherthan12grademath- Open it.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- But there's nothing here!

tougherthan12grademath- If you don't open it, you won't know what's inside.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Emmett, I'm not going to open your dumb imaginary gift over Instant Messaging.

tougherthan12grademath- Comon. Pleaseeeee?

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- No.

tougherthan12grademath- PLEASSEEEEEEE?

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- FINE, I opened it. What is it?

tougherthan12grademath- Open it like you meannnnnn it!

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- There, happy? Now, tell me what it is!

tougherthan12grademath- Can't you smellll it??

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- EMMETT! Quit playing mind games!

tougherthan12grademath- Fine, its your random.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Yay! Where'd you find it?

tougherthan12grademath- Can't say.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Comon!

tougherthan12grademath- Nope.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Pleaseeeee?

tougherthan12grademath- Well, if you must know....

tougherthan12grademath- YOUR MOM!

LongFingers- Hey Emmett, try out this link...

tougherthan12grademath- YOU RICK ROLLED ME!


	13. Author's Note: Very Important

**You guys are great, lol.**

**Please keep those reveiws coming, but, unfortuneatly, this is not a chapter.**

**It is a... idea for my new story.**

**Its pretty much based off Valemont, on MTV. :)**

**No, it is Valemont.**

**A college for vampires, so to speak. **

**SO, enjoy this chapter, & then reveiw.**

**Bella has been assigned to a string of murder cases taking place at Valemont College. Its taken her forever, but she has finaly been accpeted as a student, and she tries to act the part by dressing and talking as one of them. She and her roomates, Alice and Rosalie are students, too.**

**Except for these groups of the odd kids. She falls in love with Edward Cullen, but in his room hides a secret.**

**Is she falling in love with...**

**the muderer?**

**Yes, so I won't be updating untill tommaorow, maybe.**

**So, wish me luck.**


	14. Salad & Said Book

Bella-ObbsiveCullenDisorder

Edward- LongFingers.

Emmett- tougherthan12grademath

Jasper- Jasperthefriendlyghost

Alice- SistaPhycik

Rosalie- Rosy-posy

Esme- igotitfrmymomma

Carlise- Dr. C-dawgg!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

LongFingers- Bella! Arn't you excited for Christmas.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- YES!

tougherthan12grademath- I want a rubber duck.

LongFingers- Why do you want a rubber duck?

tougherthan12grademath- Have you never been in teh presence of a rubber duck?

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- I really like salad's, you guys.

Jasperthefriendlyghost- I wish I had a salad. I'd throw it in Esme's face.

LongFingers- ? Anyway, yes, Emmett, I've been in the presence of a rubber duck.

Jasperthefriendlyghost- Arn't they just great.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- All yellow, and squeaky.

Jasperthefriendlyghost- And all slippery when you put them down in bathwater.

LongFingers- Where did this conversation go random?

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Back to salad.

tougherthan12grademath- Oh yes, salad.

Jasperthefriendlyghost- Salad gets slippery, too.

tougherthan12grademath- But I don't think that you can put salad in bathwater.

LongFingers- Salad isn't squeaky, either.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Sometimes it can be. If it comes from McDonald's, its every single adjective in the book.

tougherthan12grademath- What book?

Jasperthefriendlyghost- I want to read said book.

LongFingers- Its an expression. Bella didn't mean there was an actual book.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Nuh uh. You can by said book from Amazon. See, "Said Book" by Addy J. Ective.

LongFingers- Oh man. Bella, did you make that up?

Jasperthefriendlyghost- I ordered Said Book from Amazon.

ObbsiveCullenDisorder- Said Book will arive in 4-6 weeks.


	15. Jacob The Shirtless Wonder

**WOO! Man, you gusy are all so great; it pains me to delay you any longer.**

**Oh, and yes, I'm story pimping now, so you should go read "Secret Key". Its based off of Valemont, but you don't have to watch Valemont to understand everything; its all in the story! SO, without any further ado, I'm going to write the fifteenth chapter of "Cullenizing Instant Message." Of, and I'm changing the names up a bit.**

Bella- StupidLamb

Edward- IvoryKeys'18

Emmett- Leaveamessageafterthebeep

Jasper- NoOneUnderstands

Alice- iSparkle

Rosalie- ThornyRose

Esme- ilovefamily

Carlise- iHeal

Jacob- JacobTheShirtlessWonder!

StupidLamb- So, I see we all changed our screen names. I really like them, but, Emmett?

Leaveamessageafterthebeep- I like mine. Its long.

IvoryKeys'18- It took a while to make up my mind...

iHeal- Alice told me it would be a "father and daughter bonding experience" if we made our names similar.

iSparkle- It is! Don't you see the love?

NoOneUnderstands- Oh, I'm sure we're seeing something.

Leaveamessageafterthebeep- I really like Rosie's, though.

StupidLamb- Why do you like her's the best? It's kinda negative.

Leaveamessageafterthebeep- Well, if you look at it my way, Bella...

IvoryKeys'18- The PERVERTED WAY!

Leaveamessageafterthebeep- Yes, thank you Edward. If you look at it my way, Bella, you'd see that when you drop the "t" at the begining...

ThornyRose- Drop the...? EMMETT!

IvoryKeys'18- Now you see why he begged you to put that as your screen name, dear sister.

StupidLamb- When did you ever get along with Rosalie well enough to call her "dear sister?"

ilovefamily- That would be me! I put them both in their place. I made them clean the whole house; attic to basement. The human way.

JacobTheShirtlessWonder!- HELLO PEOPLES!

StupidLamb- Jacob! I missed you!

JacobTheShirtlessWonder!- I missed you too! I found the greatest song today!

IvoryKeys'18- What is it? Oh, please, indulgue me in your horrible taste in music, mutt.

JacobTheShirtlessWonder!- Okay, it goes "I WANT YOUR LOVIN', I WANT YOUR REVENGE, YOU AND ME COULD WRITE A BAD ROMANCE."

IvoryKeys'18- That song is so...

StupidLamb- If you say one thing about Lady Gaga, I will "accidently" rip your arm off.

IvoryKeys'18- GREAT! That song really is great.

StupidLamb- Thank you. Now, Jacob, shall we go skipping off in the distance while Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" plays in the background?

JacobTheShirtlessWonder!- Sure. Let me take my shirt off, for no apparent reason, though first.

IvoryKeys'18-My girlfriend left me for a Lady Gaga loving, non shirt wearing dork.

Leaveamessageafterthebeep- Don't worry Edward, one day you'll find your Jaocb, too.

IvoryKeys'18- -sigh- =/


	16. JESSICA STANLY!

**So, I got inspired (save a whale ride a hale) to do an early chapter; I don't updat u guys enough anyway.**

**But we do have some serious issues to talk about. I don't really know how long this story will last. Perhaps twenty chapters are enough; I don't know. I might be like some authors and go up one hundred. :)**

**Anyway, here you are. & Esme's screen name has changed.**

Bella- StupidLamb

Edward- IvoryKeys'18

Emmett- Leaveamessageafterthebeep

Jasper- NoOneUnderstands

Alice- iSparkle

Rosalie- ThornyRose

Esme- Was Rooting for James, But Edward Won :(

Carlise- iHeal

Jacob- JacobTheShirtlessWonder!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

IvoryKeys'18- Esme! Wh-wha-what?

Was Rooting for James, But Edward Won :(- Comon, Edward. Did you not see his abs? If Carlisle wasn't there, I'd...

iHeal- You'd do what?

IvoryKeys'18- ESME! I am your SON! You are to root for me!

Was Rooting for James, But Edward Won :(- Well, then, SON! Are you blind?

IvoryKeys'18- What was so great about his abs anyway. I've got abs!

Was Rooting for James, But Edward Won :(- Then why don't you take your shirt off more often?

IvoryKeys'18- Because...

Was Rooting for James, But Edward Won :(- I'll change my screen name if you take your shirt off and bounce up and down.

IvoryKeys'18- But I can't!

Was Rooting for James, But Edward Won :(- And why not?

IvoryKeys'18- Because I'd jiggle...

Was Rooting for James, But Edward Won :(- Exactly.

iHeal- Don't get me wrong, Edward. Its alright to jiggle.

Was Rooting for James, But Edward Won :(- Oh, I didn't realize what a hit that would do to his self esteem.

IvoryKeys'18- I feel as emo as Jasper in the early chapters.

Was Rooting for James, But Edward Won :(- Cry, EMO BOY, cry.

NoOneUnderstands- Did someone call for me?

IvoryKeys'18- Teach me the ways of your emoness, Jasper.

NoOneUnderstands- I've changed my name. Its not Jasper. Jasper sounds to much like Casper. And Casper was a FRIENDLY ghost. My new name is Rave.

Was Rooting for James, But Edward Won :(- Rave?

iSparkle- RAVE? What the hell, Jasper? & Esme, what...?

Was Rooting for James, But Edward Won :(- But you thought VICTORIA was online, hehe. :)

NoOneUnderstands- No, I bet she just figured that someone was making fun of the emo boy, and she came to w-wa-wa-watch.

iSparkle- YOU MADE MY MAN CRY!

Leaveamessageafterthebeep- It is on like Donkey Kong!

iSparkle- Jasper, do-don-don't c-cr-CRY!

NoOneUnderstands- Great, E-Esme. Y-you made us b-b-both c-cr-cry!

IvoryKeys'18- I wish my a-abs di-didn't ji-jiggle!

iHeal- I w-want my w-w-wife back!

Leaveamessageafterthebeep- I m-miss my d-do-dog!

StupidLamb- I want a p-poptart.

ThornyRose- I wa-wan-want s-so-some PIE!

Leaveamessageafterthebeep- The e-evil n-nin-ninja PENGUINS sh-should have won between E-Edward and J-Ja-James!

StupidLamb- Comeon everyone! We must band together! And together, we shale overule... uh. Emmett, what would be a cool thing to overrule?

Leaveamessageafterthebeep- JESSICA STANLY!

StupidLamb- TOGETHER, WE SHALL RULE OVER JESSICA STANLY, HAHA!

Leaveamessageafterthebeep- MUAHHAHA!


	17. Deeper Than the Big Blue

Bella- FangBangerBella

Edward- IvoryKeys'18

Emmett- ManEater*wink*

Jasper- NoOneUnderstands

Alice- iSparkle&Shine

Rosalie- ThornyRose

Esme- i3myDR.

Carlise- i3myWIFE

Jacob- JacobTheShirtlessWonder!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

FangBangerBella- Wow, almost everyone has new nicknames!

IvoryKeys'18- Speaking of screennames, darling, why is yours THAT?

i3myDR.- ... Are you serious? TRUE BLOOD?

IvoryKeys'18- What?

ThornyRose- Your shittin' me, right? Edward doesn't know what TRUEBLOOD is?

iSparkle&Shine- NUHUH! Edward, you watched it that one time, remeber? You know, when Sookie and Bill had sex, you sheilded your eyes and cried in a cornor screaming, "THE LORD IS MY SHEPPARD, I _SHALL NOT WANT!_"

FangBangerBella- ... Oh my.

iSparkle&Shine- So, who're you fangbanging, Bellsey? Eric, or Bill?

FangBangerBella- Neither. I'm all Pam.

ManEater*wink*- HOT DAMN! (;

IvoryKeys'18- 0.0

FangBangerBella- Well, of course I prefer ERIC. Ahh, gorgeous blonde hair. Beautiful eyes, pale skin. Tall. YUMMY!

i3myDR.- You just described my husband there, Bella. 3

i3myWIFE- But if you said Sookie was loyal, caring, trustworthy, and beautiful, you'd have described my wife. 3

FangBangerBella- Carlisle and Eric do have a lot in common, looks wise. But, I'm telling you, I'm a sucker for Pam.

ManEater*wink*- Man, Bella... poor little Eddie ran out of hear as fast as his seventeen year-old legs could carry him.

NoOneUnderstands- ... my favorite character is Layfayette.

NoOneUnderstands- Wait, WHY DID ROSALIE AND ESME SQUEAL AND HUG ME?

FangBangerBella- Awl! Eveveryone loves Layfayette! (:

IvoryKeys'18- Sorry, I'm back.

FangBangerBella- Where were you?

i3myDR.- Why is there hand lotion on the front door knob- AW! DUDE, NASTY!

ManEater*wink*- What's wrong, Esme?

i3myDR.- ITS NOT LOTION!

ManEater*wink*- BWHAH! How can yah tell?

i3myDR.-'CAUSE I JUST SMELLED IT!

FangBangerBella- You were smelling suspcious white liquids on doorknobs? Well, Carlisle, you were right. She IS just like Sookie. Ditzy & slow.

ManEater*wink*- OH COME ON! You don't like Sookie, Bella?

FangBangerBella- NO WAY! She's stupid, brainless, & she doesn't deserve telepathy.

iSparkle&Shine- You leave my Sookie alone! I love herrrr, but my absolute fav is Arlene! lol.

FangBangerBella- But she's brainless!

ManEater*wink*- Then you should like her, Bella. :)

IvoryKeys'18- Hey now, Bella is allowed to like who she likes. Personally, my favorite is Bill. :)

FangBangerBella- Ohtay, lemme get this straight. Esme is Sookie, Edward is Bill, I'm Eric [hehe], & Rosalie is Pam. Sam is Alcide, Emmett is Sam Merlotte. Alice is Arlene, Jasper is Layfayette. Jacob HAS to be Jason Stackhouse, & the rest of the pack are the Fellowship of the Sun guys.

ManEater*wink*- Wait! Esme is screwing Edward, but having lusty thoughts about Bella. I'm having lusty thougths about Bella, too, along with Sam. Bella turned Rosalie into a vampire, and Rosalie is gay. Jacob is Bella's brother, and has done drugs with Jasper in the past. Jasper is gay, Alice is preggo.

ManEater*wink*- That's a fuck of a day.

FangBangerBella- Sounds like it.

IvoryKeys'18- But wait, if Bella is Eric, & she said she was all Pam... does that mean...?

ManEater*wink*- Have Eric & Pam had sex in the past?

ThornyRose- Oh yes. Several times. ;) Right, honey?

FangBangerBella- Of course.

ManEater*wink*-I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

IvoryKeys'18- ... don't touch the doorknobs, dude.

ManEater*wink*- Too late. :[

i3myDR.- AW, DUDE, NASTY!


	18. AN

**This is just an author's note; YES! I'm still working on the next chapter. ;)**

**I just wanted to let you guys know that any reveiws will be replied to, & I also wanted you to know that my 100th reveiwer (NOT THAT FAR AWAY!) will have a guest spot with the Cullens' &/or the pack, and you get to decide they crazy thing that they have to do that day. :)**

**So, get to getting!**

**- OA; Ashley Victoria**


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